October 30th, 2004 by Carol
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cialis indiaI had another little ‘flash’ yesterday as I was driving home with my two boys. My oldest categorizes the world into people who believe in God and people who don’t believe in God. So he was talking about something bad that some people did and he said, “Those people don’t believe in God!” My youngest, hearing the conversation, tried to re-iterate what his older brother was saying, but he missed out a word. With the same emphasis, he said, “They don’t believe God!”
And that’s when it hit me. It’s not about believing in God (most of the people in our country believe in some ‘higher power’). The question is: “Do we believe God?” And I’m talking about those of us who consider ourselves Christians. Do we really believe God? Do we believe Him when He says that He will never leave us or forsake us? Do we believe Him when He says He will provide for all of our needs? Do we believe Him when He says that nothing is impossible for Him? Do we believe Him when He says He loves us and delights in us?
I wonder…
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October 28th, 2004 by Carol
I received a flyer from a local Christian bookstore today with their Christmas catalogue. I was amazed at all the different kinds of books people can purchase. Many of them were ‘how to’ books on something or other: marriage, dating, parenting, being disappointed with God, dealing with grief… The list goes on. I found myself reading the titles and brief write-ups and thinking, “I could relate to this; that might be helpful.” And yet my heart was grieved. From the depths of my spirit I was crying out, “I don’t want all the answers of how to deal with everything in my life, I WANT YOU, GOD!” He is everything I need. I don’t want to look anywhere else to be fulfilled.
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October 25th, 2004 by Carol
Hebrews 11:1, 2 - “What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot see. God gave his approval to people in days of old because of their faith.” So what does this mean? What does faith ‘look’ like? You cannnot measure or study ‘faith’ in any tangible kind of way. Yet, it exists, and God is pleased with those who live by faith.
I love the analogy in the movie ‘Contact’ with Jodie Foster. Her character is having a conversation with her friend who had studied to become a priest. She was challenging him on the fact that he believes in a God he cannot prove exists. He asked her this question: ‘Did you love your father?’ Her reply was, ‘Yes, very much.’ And he said, ‘Prove it.’ That’s the thing about faith. I can’t ‘prove’ it, yet I know what I believe is true. People may challenge my experience and try to rationalize things away, but deep down, I KNOW. It goes way beyond feeling, emotion, reason. It’s like something imprinted on my very soul and spirit, something planted there not by my own imagination, but by God himself.
Yet there are many who cannot accept this. And I am reminded of the words of Jesus: “But when I, the Son of Man, return, how many will I find who have faith?” (Luke 18:8)
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October 23rd, 2004 by Carol
A friend of mine has been posting about the Purpose Driven Life this week. He is concerned with the commercialization of Christianity, but also with the fact that people are content with the ‘fads’ that run through the North American church without wanting something deeper. It has been interesting to see how people have responded to his comments. There is a contigent that says ‘if it works and seems to help people, why critisize it?’
I think they’re missing the point. As I’ve been reading, I’m really starting to wonder why we are content with what’s popular. I think as a culture, we are lazy and undisciplined; we want convenience and we want things instantly; we don’t like expending a lot of effort on anything. And I think to a large extent, we as a church have internalized these values. It is very easy in this society (and in our Christian lives) to fill our lives with ‘fluff’, not realizing that it is ‘fluff’ because we are too busy and distracted to notice. We are blinded into thinking that this is what life is all about, ignoring the aching in our hearts for something more. And as commercialized Christianity continues to throw things at us to consume and fill the void, we run from one thing to the next trying to find fulfillment in our lives…
‘Finding fulfillment in our lives…’ - that’s it! It’s all about us! WE want to be filled; WE want to have purpose (which is not a wrong desire), but our focus is all wrong. It’s not all about US!!! We are selfish and self-centered and we cannot see that we are naked, and poor, and blind!
As long as we are kept distracted and think we are getting OUR needs met, we will not become desperate enough for God. We are satisfied with little when God has promised so much more for us. But what He has promised us will cost us the laying down of OUR lives, and OUR wants, and OUR desires. We don’t want to do that; it’ll cost too much; I won’t get what I want. But it is the only way to truly live! So we continue on with our lives, filling it with ‘fluff’, and we have been blinded to the fact that we are in desperate need of God. I was reminded of the letter to the Laodiceans in Revelation: “You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.” (Rev. 3: 17)
My friend commented that these church ‘fads’ appear to have had very little effect on our society. From what I see of Jesus’ life and the acts of the apostles afterwards, society was greatly affected by what God was doing. Today, the church seems to be very much a reflection of our society. Does this concern us, or do we continue on with our busy lives? Why aren’t we more hungry for the things of God? Why aren’t we so desperate for the Kingdom of God to move in our world that we would give up absolutely everything to follow Jesus? I include myself in this. My day is so filled with busy-ness that I spend very little time hungering after God. And that isn’t right. There’s more to this life than just surviving! God has a Kingdom to establish here on the earth and I want to be a part of it!
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October 17th, 2004 by Carol
Sometimes people receive unexpected moments of insight while going about our daily lives, the ‘flash’ as Lani calls it. I experienced one of those today.
I was sitting in church this morning and my 4 year old was not cooperating with the sitting still and being quiet part. After asking him to sit down and be quiet a few times with little response, I picked him up and sat him on my knee. He didn’t appreciate this. He kept squirming and struggling against my hold around his waist. He’d give up for a little while and sit still, but would soon tire of this and begin squirming again. Finally, he said, “Let me go!”
And then the ‘flash’ came. How often do I find myself in a circumstance that I don’t like? And how often do I tell God to ‘let me go’ out of my situation? The truth is, just as in my mind my response to my 4 year old was “I am not going to let you go”, God, in His perfect wisdom, is not going to ‘let us go’ out of the circumstances He has allowed us to be in. It is only when we understand that God has purposed these things for our benefit, that we can stop struggling, trust Him, and relax in our circumstances, allowing God to work in our lives through them.
Romans 8:28- “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”
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October 16th, 2004 by Carol
Matthew 11:28-30 “Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.’”
God had taught me about this verse before, but how quickly I’d forgotten what it means. I think I really experienced this (the light burden and finding rest) a lot for probably about a year and a half starting just over 2 years ago. I’m not saying everything was perfect but I was walking under a lot of peace and rest, much more than I have been in the last 8 months. So what was different back then? Well, my husband passed away very suddenly just over 2 1/2 years ago. And in that first year and a half afterwards, I lived almost every day recognizing my utter dependence on God. My world had shattered. God was the only thing I could trust, the only thing I could depend on.
But something gradually changed. I began to believe that the time had passed and that I shouldn’t be so dependent anymore. I should be able to ‘move on with my life’. And gradually I began living life in my own strength again. And as I lived more and more in my own strength, the stresses on my life seemed to increase more and more, until finally the pressure on my life was so great I took a leave of absence from my work in an attempt to diffuse the stress. It helped reduce the stress, but it didn’t return that peace to me that I had experienced before.
Now as I look back, it seems so clear. What was I thinking?? Why would I possibly think that I didn’t need God as much when life seemed to be going fine than when it was falling apart? That’s the pitfall, that’s the temptation - to believe the lie that I don’t really need to be dependent on God and that I can live this life just fine by myself. It is only when I stop doing things in my own strength and place myself in a position of complete dependence on God that Jesus is able to give me rest. He is able to teach me to trust in His strength, in His grace and power, and by trusting in Him and believing in His ability to carry me through any circumstance, I can receive His perfect yoke and light burden.
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October 13th, 2004 by Carol
It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything. What has God been saying to me? He’s been showing me how much I try to save myself, in my own strength. I am a person who is trying to please God and earn His acceptance. Well, on Sunday, I’d had just about enough of the vicious cycle of striving and failing and falling under condemnation. I’d become really tired of trying to live in my own strength. I’m choosing to live accepting God’s free gift of mercy and grace, and believing in faith that He is way better at transforming who I am than I am at it. It doesn’t mean perfection (which will be challenging to accept), but it does mean hope. And it’s not like I haven’t heard this message before, but this time, I ‘heard’ it in a different way and realized more of my need and dependency in Jesus.
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October 9th, 2004 by Carol
I was having a conversation with a friend this week about someone I work with. I struggle a lot working with this person. His actions and attitudes grate against my sense of honesty and justice, and I have a great dislike for him because of it. I was going to ‘have’ to apologize to this person for something I had done. My friend asked me why I ‘had’ to. He was challenging me on whether this ‘having to’ was a ‘living by the law’ thing or whether it was a desire to reconcile thing. I told him it was because I know that when I have done something wrong I need to apologize. My friend pressed me further and I responded with: “I need to do it because I fear God.”
And my friend said, “If you feared God, you would love this person.”
OUCH! That stung! Why? Because I know my friend is right. I have neither loved God nor feared Him because I have harboured animosity and hatred in my heart for this person. But, oh, loving him is so hard! In my eyes, this person’s actions & attitudes may him so incredibly ‘unloveable’. He is unrighteous!!
I’m realizing that I have believed I am more deserving of God’s love than this person because I am more righteous. Which I know is completely untrue; I am no more deserving of God’s love than any other person. And I’m only beginning to realize how deep my stubbornness and pride goes in this area. But I also know it needs to go much deeper because I haven’t been cut to the heart by the conviction of my sin yet. I desire to repent and I have repented in this area before, but have I truly repented? How can I honestly repent when I haven’t grasped the ugliness of my sin? So, Lord, show me (no matter how painful it will be), so I can turn and walk a different path.
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October 8th, 2004 by Carol
It has always been a struggle to be a positive person in my work environment. There was a time when I was passionate for God to use me in my workplace. My heart was that He would bring life and healing to so many broken lives. Over the years that has changed. For the most part, I think I live in ’survival’ mode: I do my work to the best of my abilities, but I don’t anticipate anything to change. I find myself picking up the same pessimistic attitudes. It feels like I’m being sucked into a vortex of pessimissm and it seeps out into how I do my job. And I hate myself for it.
Today, a light shone. Someone from my church was attending a luncheon at my hotel. I was at the luncheon as well and we sat at the same table. She didn’t say anything profound, but there was joy and peace in her spirit. I think I kind of soaked it up. After the luncheon was finished and I went back to work at my office, I felt hope and and a portion of joy for a while. There was ‘life’ in my spirit. I haven’t felt like that at my work for a while. And it really made me stop and take notice. What has happened to me? I have the Spirit of God living in me, and yet when I walk into my workplace, it’s like darkness is seeping into my soul rather than the Light shining out from it.
I want to live in victory and life and hope and joy in my workplace. I want what I once had. I want God to use me (as someone said, the reason we have jobs is so that the people in our workplaces can hear the Good News about Jesus). It’s all about the kingdom of God, here on earth. But I’ve lost it. Why? And how do I get it back?
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October 5th, 2004 by Carol
Genesis 3:1-5 - “…’Did God really say you must not eat any of the fruit in the garden?’ ‘Of course we may eat it,’ the woman told him. ‘It’s only the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God says we must not eat it or even touch it, or we will die.’ ‘You won’t die!’, the serpent hissed. ‘God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat it. You will become just like God,…”
I was reading the passage as part of a Bible study I’m involved in. This verse was being used to highlight the temptation at the heart of sin: to be our own gods. While this may be true, I had another thought when I read this passage. Think of these verses:
1 Cor 15:49 - “Just as we are now like Adam,…so we will someday be like Christ,…”
Ephesians 4:15 - “Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
1 John 3:2 - “…But we do know that when he (Christ) comes we will be like Him, for we will see him as he really is.”
Here’s my thought: Adam and Eve desired to be like God. We also desire to be like God; we submit our lives to Christ, trusting that through the Holy Spirit, we will become more and more like Him, who is God. We were created in God’s image. I think Adam and Eve desired a good thing. Who wouldn’t want to be like their heavenly Father? In one sense, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be like God. However, in the case of Adam and Eve, Satan persuaded them that they could reach that desire without God, and so become their own gods. And that’s where sin entered in. It wasn’t in the desire to be like God.
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