Desert season?

Haven’t posted much lately. Partly because I’m busy and partly because I don’t feel like I have much to say. I kind of feel like I’m in a desert right now. There’s no crisis - basically everything’s going good in my life. Married life is great. My husband is so wonderful and encourages me and builds me up often. I’m just feeling a bit disconnected from God. I feel a growing desire to become more intimate with Him, but I’m finding it hard getting to those ‘quiet places’ during my week where I can just sit and be with Him.

Posted in Faith, Personal || 1 Comment

Being consumed

Work has been very busy since the Labour day weekend. We’ve got a new person in the office but he’s spent the last 2 weeks training and getting his computer set up. Almost every week in September I’ve spent a couple of days taking things home to work on in the evenings. I feel like my job is consuming me. Rather than having more time for my family and friends, I find I’m having less time.

There are a number of different factors contributing to this. One, my personality: simply put, I have a ‘morbid sense of responsibility’. If something is my job/responsibility, I am driven to do it even if it kills me. Two, my work culture: in my company, they give their associates ownership of their jobs. While this can be really good - I feel a sense of empowerment, that this company trusts me and is willing to let me pour some of my own creativity and ideas into something - the flip side is that I feel equally responsible to make sure the job is done well (which may drive me into the ground at times). Another thing about my work culture is that they really promote a ‘team’ atmosphere, which again, can be really good - as everyone is there for each other to encourage and support. But also, if I believe that every member of my team is equally loaded down with work, I am not going to dump the extra working piling up on my desk onto someone else’s. So, I continue to drown.

I don’t like what is happening. I don’t like being a slave to my job. While I recognize that there are busy and slow times in my industry, the busy times take up 2/3 of the year. Do I want to be consumed by my job 2/3 of the year? I thought maybe it was just me that felt consumed by my job, but I was talking to some other people this week and some of the attitudes I was hearing was that they felt that taking holidays was not work it because of their work load (unless they took work with them). I read a few months ago that a significant percentage of the workforce never takes holidays. And I started wondering why do we accept this as a society? We become slaves to our jobs and pour our lives into something that will never fulfill us (and we’re kept so busy that we never have time to reflect and think about why we’re on this planet). I wonder if this is true of some Christian ministries as well. If the ministries keep their workers so busy that they have no time for their relationships with family and friends and they have no time for themselves, how can that possibly be serving the Kingdom of God???

I’ve been asking God the reason for why I’m on this planet. He hasn’t been saying much, but I wonder if that is because He needs to change how I think. Because deep down I think I believe that my purpose in life is to work and do a good job. I want to work for the Kingdom of God and live for Him, but some attitudes need to change before I can truly do that. But I am confident of this: ‘that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.’ I’m starting to feel excited about where God will take me.

Posted in Personal, Work || 2 Comments