January 31st, 2006 by Carol
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cialis indiaMaybe I should clarify: receiving grace is a choice. My husband and I were talking about grace last night. I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t seem to ‘get it’. I still find myself trying to earn my worth and live up to perceived expectations. Sometimes when it comes right down to it, and you know the truth in your head (that God’s love and acceptance have no conditions), you just have to CHOOSE to accept the truth and respond based on what you know, not on how you feel.
It’s the same with worship. Worship is a choice. I don’t worship God only when I’m feeling ‘in the mood’ to worship. I choose to worship, whether I’m feeling joyful or miserable. And the more I make that choice, especially when I don’t ‘feel’ like worshipping, the easier it becomes to do just that - worship despite my circumstances.
I suspect grace is probably the same way. The more I choose to accept grace and not what I’m feeling, the easier it will become to accept it regardless of what I’ve done or not done. I’ll have to try it out and see.
Posted in Faith || 3 Comments
January 22nd, 2006 by Carol
“Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember… ” - The Lion King
So many things define who we are. I am a mother, a catering consultant, a wife, an employee, a daughter, a friend. I am part of a family, a company, a church, another church. Each week, I get kids up for school, drive them to school, go to work, put in 8 1/2 hours, pick kids up, make supper, workout on my treadmill.
Amid the hustle and bustle I so often forget who I am, what ultimately defines me. I am a daughter of the one true King. Why should I fear? Why should I worry? Why do I strive?
Do I remember where I have come from? “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” 1 Peter 2:9-10
Sometimes I think I forget so much… and remember so little.
(Disclaimer: although I do the things I mentioned at the top concerning my kids & home each week, I don’t do them every day; my husband & I share the responsibilities - he’s awesome!)
Posted in Faith || 2 Comments
January 14th, 2006 by Carol
I’m finding understanding GRACE to be a process for me. For whatever reason, there’s areas of my heart that are resistant to this message. Sometimes something will happen and it will seem like a drop of understanding will seep through a crack deeper into my heart, but then the crack will snap shut again so more understanding is blocked from pouring through. But, as my husband said, I’m getting more and more ‘cracks’ all the time.
One of my internal ‘roadblocks’ is the sense that I should have to suffer for my wrong choices, wrong actions. If I feel that I have done something wrong (particularly when I have wronged the people I’m closest to), I have an internal sense that I should have to suffer for what I’ve done, even if the other person has forgiven me. It doesn’t seem fair that I should ‘get away with it’. I set about to ‘punish myself’ (if no one else will).
Grace was extended to me today and I caught a glimpse of how precious God’s love and grace are. The thought occurred to me: when I understand that I cannot ‘earn’ God’s love, I will understand more deeply how precious His love really is. When I think that I can ‘earn’ love and acceptance from God, it cheapens His love. It devalues God’s love to a level where it can be ‘bought’. But it’s far greater than that!
Posted in Faith || 2 Comments
January 8th, 2006 by Carol
“church mode”: a term I’ve heard used to describe the way people suddenly become different people once they enter the doors of the church on Sunday morning.
“It may be that Christians, not withstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners (italics mine). The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hyprocisy.” - from “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning (here quoting Dietrich Bonhoeffer).
I think this lies at the heart of ‘church mode’. We cannot be seen as sinners on Sunday morning because only the righteous are there. Therefore, we become chameleons, so no one will see who we really are.
Posted in Church || No Comments
January 6th, 2006 by Carol
I’ve been tagged. So here goes…
7 Things I would like to do before I die:
1. Travel - all over the world (Europe, New Zealand, Hawaii, Africa)
2. Be able to work from home so I could have more time with my kids
3. Fly in a Hot Air Balloon
4. Go on a vacation with my husband (no kids) to someplace warm & exotic when it’s winter here
5. Take my kids to Disneyland or Disney World
6. Have another baby
7.
7 things I can’t do (yet) :
1. Sew
2. Beat my husband at Grand Turismo
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
7 things that attract me to blogging:
1. My husband has been doing it for years and really enjoys it
2. My friends started doing it
3. I like to journal
4. I believe there’s a reason for my journey and I want to share it with others
5. Hopefully to be able to encourage others
6.
7.
7 things I say most often:
1. Hurry up, I’m going to be late!
2. I love you
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
7 books I love:
1. The Lord of the Rings (my favorite book of all time)
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Bible
4. The Blue Castle
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
6. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
7. The Explosive Child
7 movies I watch over and over:
1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. Stars Wars trilogy (New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi)
3. While You Were Sleeping
4. The Matrix
5. Ben Hur
6. Contact
7. Sabrina (with Harrison Ford & Julia Ormand)
7 people I want to join in too (you been tagged!)
-I don’t like being tagged for these things so I’m not going to tag anyone else
Posted in Misc || 1 Comment
January 6th, 2006 by Carol
from “The Cat in the Hat” by Dr. Seuss:
“And this mess is so big
And so deep and so tall,
We can not pick it up.
There is no way at all!”
…which pretty much sums up the state of the workload on my desk today. A co-worker in the office walked by my desk and literally burst out laughing - there were papers strewn all across my desk (even piled on the floor at one point).
Ah, well. The weekend is here. I’ll deal with it on Monday.
Posted in Work || No Comments
January 5th, 2006 by Carol
Ok. Time to post something.
My husband said he would de-link me if I didn’t post something soon. 
It’s not that I don’t like blogging. I just seem to have got caught up in other things and this fell to the wayside.
What’s new?
I had a really good Christmas. 12 days off work. Stayed home with my family for the most part. Got lots of cool gifts. Played with my boys. Brought ‘order’ to the storage room (I can find my treadmill again). It’s always hard going back to work after being home. My heart is with my family. I love being with them.
But my work is really good, too. Over and over again I get the sense that I am truly valued and appreciated for what I do, and that goes a long, long way. It’s a very good company to work for.
Been thinking about ‘grace’ a lot over the past few months. What exactly is grace? Why can’t I seem to ‘get it’? I still function so much as if I have to earn everything I get. Grace isn’t like that. It’s a free gift. I’m reading ‘The Ragamuffin Gospel’. It’s really good, but I think I’ll need to read it over a few times for the truth of it to really sink it. I know it will be very liberating when I finally ‘get’ this piece.
I’ve also been thinking about the message of the cross. What is at the heart of the gospel? Is that what we truly proclaim and live out? I’m realizing that the message of grace and the message of the gospel are closely intertwined. I think we crowd the message in with a lot of extraneous things that take away from the truth and simplicity of it.
My kids got a PS2 for Christmas. My husband bought Grand Turismo 4. I’m hooked. My husband has many many more hours of experience than I have. The first night we played, I was awful. Could barely keep the car on the road. My husband took a car with much less horsepower than mine and he was still beating me. Finally, I won a race. But then I paused and asked him if he had ‘let’ me win the race. …Silence. Then I asked him if he had been trying to ‘let’ me win the other races I had lost. …Silence again. I suck!!! But I’ve been playing it more now (and winning more races). My husband is still driving cars with less horsepower than me, but he’s slowing evening the odds in terms of horsepower. But I’m addicted to this thing. All I can think about is racing and getting better.
Gotta go finish supper…
Posted in Personal || 1 Comment
