Grace is a choice

January 31st, 2006 by Carol buy viagra lowest price cheap generic viagra order cialis in us order cheap viagra online cheap cialis in canada buy discount cialis viagra price find cheap viagra online generic viagra low cost viagra buy sildenafil in canada erectile dysfunction buying generic viagra cheap cialis from canada cialis 10mg buy viagra online buy sildenafil cheap buy cheapest cialis cialis rx order viagra no prescription buying viagra buying cialis online buy viagra from india cialis cheapest price order cialis cheap online order no rx cialis cialis 10 mg overnight viagra tablet viagra buy generic cialis online cialis bangkok buy generic viagra viagra canada find viagra online buy and purchase sildenafil online cheap generic cialis viagra rx no prescription cialis find cialis 50 mg viagra viagra vs cialis buy sildenafil online order cialis without prescription cheap viagra online cialis information viagra cost 100 mg viagra purchase viagra viagra viagra from canada buy viagra internet drug viagra online purchase order cialis no rx discount cialis discount viagra discount viagra without prescription viagra without rx certified viagra find discount viagra cialis no online prescription cost of viagra find cialis without prescription buy discount viagra online buy cheap cialis lowest price cialis viagra pharmacy online viagra cheap sale viagra order viagra online cheap cialis tablet order cialis overnight delivery buy cialis low price cheap viagra without prescription cheapest cialis price viagra online without prescription buy sildenafil low cost compare viagra prices online buy cialis on line buy cialis generic impotence viagra tablets buy viagra generic cialis buy viagra low price viagra purchase best price for viagra 25mg viagra buy cialis from india cialis drug order viagra on internet low cost cialis buy discount viagra impotence treatment viagra pill order viagra from us buy sildenafil in uk overnight cialis cialis soft tab viagra medication cialis cheap impotence pills discount cialis online cheapest cialis online order cialis from canada cialis no prescription viagra cheap drug cheap viagra tablets buy viagra without prescription viagra online pharmacy viagra approved find cheap cialis cost cialis buy viagra on line cialis 20 mg buy cialis cheap cheapest viagra free cialis buy cheap cialis online pharmacy cialis cialis without rx cialis overnight shipping compare cialis prices online cheap cialis overnight delivery cialis tablets 20 mg cialis order viagra from canada cheap viagra from usa buy cheap viagra internet cheapest cialis 10 mg cialis purchase cialis buy sildenafil citrate cheap cialis no prescription order generic viagra cialis online cheap cheap cialis on internet drug cialis buy sildenafil internet cialis from india no rx cialis viagra cheapest price where to buy cialis order cialis in canada cialis medication cialis pharmacy discount cialis no rx cialis no rx required viagra overnight shipping cialis sales buy cialis from canada cialis prescription cheap viagra in uk purchase cialis overnight delivery cialis price where to buy viagra viagra no rx required cheap viagra overnight delivery viagra india buying generic cialis cialis malaysia cialis pill cialis for order cialis soft order viagra in canada generic viagra online cialis for sale impotence medication online viagra viagra soft viagra pharmacy purchase viagra overnight delivery buy cialis on internet cialis canada order discount cialis online buy viagra overnight delivery cheapest viagra price buy cialis from us cheap cialis from usa generic cialis cheap viagra no rx lowest price for cialis buy sildenafil online without a prescription viagra vendors cost of cialis generic viagra cheap cialis free delivery viagra in malaysia viagra uk find cialis online order viagra without prescription find discount viagra online cheap cialis from uk drug viagra cialis in uk cialis without a prescription viagra in australia find no rx cialis drug cialis online purchase cialis free sample buy cialis internet viagra generic find cheap viagra cheapest generic cialis online find cheap cialis online compare cialis prices order viagra no prescription required viagra us cheap viagra in usa find discount cialis purchase cialis no rx no prescription viagra cialis online viagra no online prescription fda approved cialis cheap cialis pharmacy buy viagra no prescription required cialis side effects viagra in uk viagra no prescription viagra in us cialis pharmacy online find viagra cheapest generic cialis cost viagra buy viagra cheap buy cialis in canada buy cialis no prescription required buy cialis us order cialis from us 100mg viagra free viagra find discount cialis online cheap viagra cialis buy online cialis overnight buy sildenafil canada cialis 20mg cheapest cialis prices viagra without prescription order cheap viagra cheap price viagra buy no rx viagra purchase viagra no rx pharmacy viagra find viagra no prescription required cheapest generic viagra cialis in malaysia cialis purchase buy cialis lowest price order no rx viagra cheapest generic viagra online order viagra cheap cialis where to order viagra fda approved viagra buy no rx cialis purchase viagra without prescription cheap cialis no rx cialis online stores cheap cialis in uk find cialis on internet certified cialis price of viagra purchase cialis online cheapest viagra prices find viagra on internet buy cheapest cialis online buy discount cialis online buy viagra from us buy cheapest cialis on line cialis cheap drug buy cialis online cheap find cialis no prescription required cialis us cheap viagra pill viagra free sample cheap viagra tablet viagra online cheap cheap cialis in usa cheap cialis without prescription order viagra no rx order viagra cheap online viagra prescription discount cialis overnight delivery cialis australia buy viagra on internet cialis buy drug order viagra in us cialis vendors cialis tablet viagra drug viagra tablet cialis cost cheap cialis tablets cialis discount buy cialis in us online pharmacy cialis sale cialis cheap viagra on internet buy viagra in us discount viagra overnight delivery 25 mg viagra cheap price cialis buy cheapest viagra cheap viagra no rx viagra online stores order generic cialis viagra online review best price viagra cialis overnight delivery cialis pills cialis online review buy cialis overnight delivery order viagra overnight delivery buy viagra no rx cheapest sildenafil citrate viagra free delivery viagra sale 50mg viagra buy cialis without prescription cialis prices tablet cialis find viagra without prescription viagra order buy cheap viagra online viagra pills cialis in bangkok cialis without prescription order discount viagra buy viagra in canada viagra bangkok lowest price for viagra pharmacy online cheap cialis online viagra for sale cialis cheap price discount viagra online impotence cure cheap cialis internet approved viagra pharmacy cialis approved cheap viagra from canada 10mg cialis viagra prices cialis in us compare viagra prices cialis vs viagra viagra internet cheapest viagra online buy cheapest viagra online online cialis viagra side effects generic cialis online buy cheap viagra order cheap cialis online viagra online viagra malaysia buy cheapest viagra on line order cialis no prescription required cialis buy approved cialis pharmacy viagra in bangkok cheap viagra pharmacy order cialis no prescription lowest price viagra cialis sale order cialis online order cialis on internet order discount viagra online best price cialis cialis no rx viagra buy online online pharmacy viagra cheap cialis pill cheap viagra in canada cialis online without prescription cheap viagra from uk cheap viagra internet find no rx viagra buy sildenafil in spain order cheap cialis order discount cialis impotence drugs buy cialis no rx purchase cialis without prescription viagra overnight delivery viagra discount no rx viagra buy generic cialis viagra without a prescription buy viagra us discount viagra no rx viagra soft tab viagra cheap price cialis order purchase viagra online cialis generic viagra information discount cialis without prescription viagra buy drug buy cheap cialis internet cialis internet 20mg cialis buy viagra cialis in australia viagra australia viagra buy generic drugs viagra from india buy viagra online cheap buy cialis cialis from canada pfizer viagra price of cialis cialis uk viagra overnight buy generic viagra online buying viagra online buy cialis online viagra for order cheap viagra no prescription viagra sales generic cialis buy viagra from canada best price for cialis order cialis cialis online pharmacy buying cialis where to order cialis cialis india

Maybe I should clarify: receiving grace is a choice. My husband and I were talking about grace last night. I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t seem to ‘get it’. I still find myself trying to earn my worth and live up to perceived expectations. Sometimes when it comes right down to it, and you know the truth in your head (that God’s love and acceptance have no conditions), you just have to CHOOSE to accept the truth and respond based on what you know, not on how you feel.

It’s the same with worship. Worship is a choice. I don’t worship God only when I’m feeling ‘in the mood’ to worship. I choose to worship, whether I’m feeling joyful or miserable. And the more I make that choice, especially when I don’t ‘feel’ like worshipping, the easier it becomes to do just that - worship despite my circumstances.

I suspect grace is probably the same way. The more I choose to accept grace and not what I’m feeling, the easier it will become to accept it regardless of what I’ve done or not done. I’ll have to try it out and see.


Posted in Faith || 3 Comments

Sometimes I forget…

January 22nd, 2006 by Carol

“Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember… ” - The Lion King

So many things define who we are. I am a mother, a catering consultant, a wife, an employee, a daughter, a friend. I am part of a family, a company, a church, another church. Each week, I get kids up for school, drive them to school, go to work, put in 8 1/2 hours, pick kids up, make supper, workout on my treadmill.

Amid the hustle and bustle I so often forget who I am, what ultimately defines me. I am a daughter of the one true King. Why should I fear? Why should I worry? Why do I strive?

Do I remember where I have come from? “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” 1 Peter 2:9-10

Sometimes I think I forget so much… and remember so little.

(Disclaimer: although I do the things I mentioned at the top concerning my kids & home each week, I don’t do them every day; my husband & I share the responsibilities - he’s awesome!)


Posted in Faith || 2 Comments

Learning about grace

January 14th, 2006 by Carol

I’m finding understanding GRACE to be a process for me. For whatever reason, there’s areas of my heart that are resistant to this message. Sometimes something will happen and it will seem like a drop of understanding will seep through a crack deeper into my heart, but then the crack will snap shut again so more understanding is blocked from pouring through. But, as my husband said, I’m getting more and more ‘cracks’ all the time.

One of my internal ‘roadblocks’ is the sense that I should have to suffer for my wrong choices, wrong actions. If I feel that I have done something wrong (particularly when I have wronged the people I’m closest to), I have an internal sense that I should have to suffer for what I’ve done, even if the other person has forgiven me. It doesn’t seem fair that I should ‘get away with it’. I set about to ‘punish myself’ (if no one else will).

Grace was extended to me today and I caught a glimpse of how precious God’s love and grace are. The thought occurred to me: when I understand that I cannot ‘earn’ God’s love, I will understand more deeply how precious His love really is. When I think that I can ‘earn’ love and acceptance from God, it cheapens His love. It devalues God’s love to a level where it can be ‘bought’. But it’s far greater than that!


Posted in Faith || 2 Comments

Church mode

January 8th, 2006 by Carol

“church mode”: a term I’ve heard used to describe the way people suddenly become different people once they enter the doors of the church on Sunday morning.

“It may be that Christians, not withstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners (italics mine). The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hyprocisy.” - from “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning (here quoting Dietrich Bonhoeffer).

I think this lies at the heart of ‘church mode’. We cannot be seen as sinners on Sunday morning because only the righteous are there. Therefore, we become chameleons, so no one will see who we really are.


Posted in Church || No Comments

Tagged by Livin Forgiven

January 6th, 2006 by Carol

I’ve been tagged. So here goes…

7 Things I would like to do before I die:
1. Travel - all over the world (Europe, New Zealand, Hawaii, Africa)
2. Be able to work from home so I could have more time with my kids
3. Fly in a Hot Air Balloon
4. Go on a vacation with my husband (no kids) to someplace warm & exotic when it’s winter here
5. Take my kids to Disneyland or Disney World
6. Have another baby
7.

7 things I can’t do (yet) :
1. Sew
2. Beat my husband at Grand Turismo
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 things that attract me to blogging:
1. My husband has been doing it for years and really enjoys it
2. My friends started doing it
3. I like to journal
4. I believe there’s a reason for my journey and I want to share it with others
5. Hopefully to be able to encourage others
6.
7.

7 things I say most often:
1. Hurry up, I’m going to be late!
2. I love you
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 books I love:
1. The Lord of the Rings (my favorite book of all time)
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Bible
4. The Blue Castle
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
6. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
7. The Explosive Child

7 movies I watch over and over:
1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
2. Stars Wars trilogy (New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi)
3. While You Were Sleeping
4. The Matrix
5. Ben Hur
6. Contact
7. Sabrina (with Harrison Ford & Julia Ormand)

7 people I want to join in too (you been tagged!)
-I don’t like being tagged for these things so I’m not going to tag anyone else


Posted in Misc || 1 Comment

Memoirs of my desk

January 6th, 2006 by Carol

from “The Cat in the Hat” by Dr. Seuss:
“And this mess is so big
And so deep and so tall,
We can not pick it up.
There is no way at all!”

…which pretty much sums up the state of the workload on my desk today. A co-worker in the office walked by my desk and literally burst out laughing - there were papers strewn all across my desk (even piled on the floor at one point).

Ah, well. The weekend is here. I’ll deal with it on Monday.


Posted in Work || No Comments

Tidbits from me

January 5th, 2006 by Carol

Ok. Time to post something.

My husband said he would de-link me if I didn’t post something soon. :)
It’s not that I don’t like blogging. I just seem to have got caught up in other things and this fell to the wayside.

What’s new?

I had a really good Christmas. 12 days off work. Stayed home with my family for the most part. Got lots of cool gifts. Played with my boys. Brought ‘order’ to the storage room (I can find my treadmill again). It’s always hard going back to work after being home. My heart is with my family. I love being with them.

But my work is really good, too. Over and over again I get the sense that I am truly valued and appreciated for what I do, and that goes a long, long way. It’s a very good company to work for.

Been thinking about ‘grace’ a lot over the past few months. What exactly is grace? Why can’t I seem to ‘get it’? I still function so much as if I have to earn everything I get. Grace isn’t like that. It’s a free gift. I’m reading ‘The Ragamuffin Gospel’. It’s really good, but I think I’ll need to read it over a few times for the truth of it to really sink it. I know it will be very liberating when I finally ‘get’ this piece.

I’ve also been thinking about the message of the cross. What is at the heart of the gospel? Is that what we truly proclaim and live out? I’m realizing that the message of grace and the message of the gospel are closely intertwined. I think we crowd the message in with a lot of extraneous things that take away from the truth and simplicity of it.

My kids got a PS2 for Christmas. My husband bought Grand Turismo 4. I’m hooked. My husband has many many more hours of experience than I have. The first night we played, I was awful. Could barely keep the car on the road. My husband took a car with much less horsepower than mine and he was still beating me. Finally, I won a race. But then I paused and asked him if he had ‘let’ me win the race. …Silence. Then I asked him if he had been trying to ‘let’ me win the other races I had lost. …Silence again. I suck!!! But I’ve been playing it more now (and winning more races). My husband is still driving cars with less horsepower than me, but he’s slowing evening the odds in terms of horsepower. But I’m addicted to this thing. All I can think about is racing and getting better.

Gotta go finish supper…


Posted in Personal || 1 Comment