July 29th, 2006 by Carol
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cialis indiaOver the past several months, I have been on a journey towards grace. It began in earnest when I received “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning last Christmas, although I believe God had already been preparing me for this road. When I read the book, I realized I would need to read it a few times in order to truly process it. I knew the message was true but it was in opposition to how I function at the core of my being.
Even though I have heard about God’s grace all my Christian life, I don’t understand it. There is a message supported by church culture which opposes God’s pure message of grace. I’ve heard sermons preached on devotions, prayer, service, etc. They were preached in order to help people become ‘better’ Christians. In this is the lie. When we start to believe that by doing certain things we can somehow make ourselves ‘better’ Christians, we invite legalism to enter in. The more we live in this lie, walk it, breathe it, preach it, the further removed we are from an understanding of the true gospel of grace. In this framework, it is difficult, if not impossible for us to understand what God’s grace truly is.
Legalism is so subtle. Everything preached can be supported by scripture, however when the message becomes “do these things in order to be a ‘better’ Christianâ€, it distorts the message of the gospel. It denies the whole reason why God had to send Jesus to die on the cross. Because no matter what we ever did, there would be no way we could make ourselves ‘good’.Â
As I have been on this journey towards grace I find myself having less and less motivation to follow the ‘old code’. My longing to be stripped of the trappings of legalism so I can know what God’s grace really is has overridden that. I have no desire to do things because that’s what I’m ‘supposed’ to do as a ‘good’ Christian. I’m finding it takes far too much effort to try to ‘be good’ and do the ‘right’ things. I just want to follow God because I love Him, but I realize there is a lot that I do as a Christian where that is not the main motivating factor. Rather I am compelled to do certain things because they make me ‘good’ in the eyes of my fellow Christians. Does it make me ‘good’ in the eyes of God? As Isaiah says, “…all our righteous acts are like filthy rags…†(Isaiah 64:6).
I have deliberately chosen to step back from the things once considered paramount to being a ‘good’ Christian because I wasn’t doing them for the right reasons in the first place. I feel I need to do this for a time in order to better understand God’s grace. It hasn’t been easy. Guilt and condemnation want to creep in telling me what an unfaithful, ‘bad’ Christian I am for neglecting these things. Even though I feel the twinges of guilt, it also re-enforces the fact that I have been bound by legalism. Why would I be feeling guilt for not ‘doing’ certain things when we are all saved by grace through faith? If I truly believed this in the depths of my being, I could accept myself as I am just as God has accepted me, through Christ’s work alone, not through anything I do or do not do.
My soul cries out to know God’s grace. I don’t want to live in bondage to rules and expectations anymore. I want to be free to follow God because I want to, not because I’m supposed to.
Posted in Faith, Personal || 3 Comments
July 16th, 2006 by Carol
I wrote in my last post that I’m anticipating being later than my due date for this baby because my first two children were late. (but those two were conceived by a different father).  I found out this weekend that my husband and his brother were each 3 weeks early and over 9 pounds! Yikes!Â
I wonder how much new genetics will come into play with this one.  And if I’m late and the baby still grows like it’s father did, I’m going to be in big trouble!
Posted in Personal || 4 Comments
July 10th, 2006 by Carol
A few friends have been asking me how my pregnancy has been going. It’s going fine. Besides being extremely hungry and tired for the first month or so, I’ve been feeling really good. I have my energy back (although when I stay up too late, I pay for it the next day). Sometimes, my hips and back get sore, but other than that, everything’s going great.Â
I’m over halfway done now, about 21-22 weeks along. My doctor (and the ultra-sound) still put my due date at about November 11, but I think I’m going to be later than that (I was overdue and induced for my other two pregnancies). My husband thinks I’m too sure of myself about that one - we’ve even got a wager going - if I haven’t had the baby 3 days after my due date, I win! Although, it would be quite a novel thing to actually go into labour ‘naturally’. We’ll have to wait and see what happens.
I have a question - why do some people insist on telling you what’s happening in your own body and will even argue with you when you tell them you know the answer and its not what they’re suggesting? For example, at the beginning, I was really, really tired. People kept trying to tell me it was because of my two sons. But it had nothing to do with them. It’s just that the baby was sapping all my energy at that time. My two boys are 10 and 6, and fairly self-sufficient. I also have a very supportive husband who does lots with helping out in our family. I could have used that excuse when I was a single parent, but it simply wasn’t the case now. And yet people wouldn’t believe me when I told them that.
 Here’s another example: I’ve been feeling really good. Somedays, I stay up too late on the computer or whatever and am tired the next day. This is probably what would happen to just about anyone. But all of a sudden, people are convinced its because of my pregnancy.
 I just don’t get it. You’re pregnant and suddenly everyone’s an expert on a body other than their own.
Posted in Personal || 5 Comments
July 9th, 2006 by Carol
Here’s a recent article about our MP (for Saskatoon-Wanuskewin): “Speeding past police cars cost MP“. I am embarrassed that this person is my representative in parliment. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just admit that he was in the wrong, suck it up and pay the fine! Trying to lay blame on anything but himself reminds me of my 10 year old son who likes to blame his brother (or anyone else) for his mess.
Posted in Articles, Misc || No Comments
July 8th, 2006 by Carol
2 summers ago, I took my kids on an ‘adventure’. We packed a lunch, parked at the train bridge, headed across and went exploring. We walked to Innovation Place and along the Meewasin trail, had a picnic lunch along the way and had a lot of fun. The kids remember it and still talk about it.
I thought it was about time for another ‘adventure’, so I told the kids we were going to have one this weekend. They thought we were going to do what we did 2 years ago and head for the train bridge. But I wanted to have a ’super adventure’ with them. So I popped them in the car and drove to Regina. We had a picnic lunch at Wascana Park, and then spent the entire afternoon at the Saskatchewan Science Centre. We had a blast! I introduced the kids to their first IMAX movie (Matthew kept saying it was as if the theatre had turned into an airplane). By the way, this was a ‘mom and the boys’ adventure, which is important for us to do from time to time. We’re staying in Regina overnight and will do some more exploring tomorrow.
 I should do stuff like this more often.  My parents didn’t do those kind of things with me when I was young. My dad was always busy with the farmwork. I did go on a few major trips with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and I still remember them to this day. I think family trips and excursions are important. It gets you out of the everyday routines. They create fond memories that last a lifetime.
Posted in Family || 1 Comment
July 7th, 2006 by Carol
Up to this point, I haven’t been learning to deal with the stress very well at all. I have a very strong sense of responsibility for my job and for doing it well. Even though I’m doing the job of 2 catering people plus part trainer (for the new employee) at this point, I’ve somehow thought I should be able to get everything done that I did before. Silly me! Like that’s going to happen.Â
I’ve put in a lot of overtime to try to stay on top of things, but then I’m not spending much time with my family which causes me more stress (by the way, my awesome husband has been extremely supportive in all this). But when time spent on work starts to take over time spent with my family, I get really stressed. My personality type is one that highly values family but that also works very hard and is most likely to be taken advantage of when it comes to work.Â
It’s very hard to say ‘no’ to things or to tell management that I can’t work at this level. I did tell my boss that I could not sustain this work load for an extended amount of time without going on stress leave. So I’m passing off more of the simple things to other people in the office. It’s hard for me to do this because I’m thinking I’m passing off parts of MY job to someone else (as if I’m not doing MY job).  I know this is psychological and I need to let it go. My boss understands where I’m at and is supporting what I’m doing.Â
Still, it hasn’t been easy. This week was a big wake-up call for me. I had a super relaxing weekend, but it only took 2 days of work to get me to the level of stress I was at last Thursday before the long weekend. My husband said that he wished someday I could be happy again. Whoa! Am I always unhappy? I certainly haven’t had any peace. Work has constantly been on my mind, from the moment I wake up in the morning to the time I go to sleep at night.Â
So I had to make a decision. I had to choose not to allow work to destroy my life. I have to choose to accept that I can’t get everything done and not to stress about it. I have to choose to stop thinking about work when I come home.
I’m beginning to feel better after making this decision. It’s something I have to consciously choose every day and several times a day at that! I’m asking God for help, because I don’t know how to deal with something like this. Your prayers would be appreciated, too.
Posted in Work || 3 Comments
July 4th, 2006 by Carol
Luke 11:46 - He said, “… You’re hopeless, you religion scholars! You load people down with rules and regulations, nearly breaking their backs, but never lift even a finger to help.” (The Message)
Jesus was ranting about the Pharisees and teachers of the law. They made up all these rules to follow in order to truly ‘follow God’, making it impossible for the people to find God. They couldn’t live up to the standards. Jesus was not very impressed with this!
I believe there are many so-called ’biblical principles’ that have become the new law and those who teach these biblical principles have become modern-day Pharisees and teachers of the law. When I talk about ‘biblical principles’, I am referring to those things that have been made into a whole new theology but are based only loosely on a passage or few passages in the bible - things that are never directly covered in Scripture.
 As if people are not burdened enough with all the ’rules’ for following Christ (ie: daily devotions, regular church attendance, etc.), others feel the need to add more burdens - tithing, being under ‘covering’, etc. Although the Bible talks about reading the Word regularly and meeting with other believers, it does not make any reference to ‘daily devotions’ or ‘regular church attendance’. These things have become unwritten RULES, when they were never meant to be rules. It eliminates GRACE. Who needs ‘grace’ when you can earn your way into God’s good books?Â
The other list of burdens (tithing, ‘covering’ theology, etc.) are never explicitly laid out in Scripture. While tithing was commanded for the nation of Israel as a means of God’s provision for the Levites, Paul never commanded it for the Gentiles. Giving generously was encouraged, but it was never made into a law with the threat of curses coming upon whoever did not comply. Rather Paul fought very hard for the Gentiles NOT to be forced to follow Jewish law.
Acts 15 - “1Some men came down from Judea to Antioch and were teaching the brothers: “Unless you are circumcised, according to the custom taught by Moses, you cannot be saved.” 2This brought Paul and Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them. So Paul and Barnabas were appointed, along with some other believers, to go up to Jerusalem to see the apostles and elders about this question….7After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: “Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. 8God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. 9He made no distinction between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith. 10Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of the disciples a yoke that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear? 11No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.” (NIV)
Why do people pour all their energies into these new ‘teachings’ when there are things Jesus and the apostles actually taught that we don’t do? Making disciples, bearing one another’s burdens, confessing our sins to each other, forgiving one another… There’s plenty of things listed to keep us going for a while without having to create new theologies. Even so, these things were never intended to be made into laws to burden the people under weights they cannot bear. Jesus died to take care of that, didn’t He?
Posted in Church, Faith || 4 Comments
July 2nd, 2006 by Carol
You cannot understand grace until you are truly free - free from your perceived obligations and expectations.
Posted in Faith || 1 Comment
July 2nd, 2006 by Carol
The stress at work was really getting to me. My husband said he really thought I was starting to lose it. So our family ran away to the lake for the weekend. It was wonderful! I slept, relaxed, read a book, played with the kids. It was just what we all needed. I am so thankful for this weekend. It was really hard packing up and heading home. The nice thing is we will we going back to the lake later this summer - and this time for a least a week! Yay!
P.S. My husband is itching to blog about this, so I’d better tell you about my little adventure this morning. I got this great idea of renting a canoe and going out onto the lake alone to spend some quiet time with God. Peaceful and relaxing, right? Well, not really. (The lake I decided to canoe out onto by myself is Chitek Lake, which is a very large lake. It doesn’t take much wind to stir up the water.) At first I wanted to row out to an island halfway on the other side of the lake, but the waves kept turning the canoe the wrong way. I finally gave up, rested for a few minutes and then decided I’d better head back to the shore. The only problem was I was over halfway to the other side and I couldn’t get the canoe to turn around. The best I could do was get the canoe heading towards the shoreline which was at a right angle to the shore where I was supposed to be heading. I thought if I canoed hard enough, the canoe would eventually turn enough to be heading in the right direction. This did not happen. Here I was on the other side of the lake, and I couldn’t turn the canoe around. I started to get pretty anxious. Finally I decided if I couldn’t turn the canoe around, I would just start paddling backwards. That worked, but I was also working against the wind and the waves (they weren’t very big, but they were enough in this little canoe with one person to cause problems). It took a long time to get back. Three hours after I headed out onto the lake, I made it to the place where I had rented the canoe. Lesson learned - next time I go out on Chitek Lake, it will be under motorized power!
Posted in Family, Personal, Work || 1 Comment
