May 31st, 2008 by Carol
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- I’ve decided I like my old blog design better
- Life has been really hard lately, although this past week has been better
- why does life always seem so busy?
- I really really love my husband and am so glad I’m married to him and that we’re in this together
- I love my kids - my heart breaks for them sometimes (I guess that’s what love is about)
- My day job is hard but rewarding - its no fun being in an industry with major labour shortages
- I still like my house and am looking forward to finishing my ‘prayer room’ - if only life wasn’t so busy, I’d be done this thing by now (maybe I’ll get closer to the end this weekend)
- we planted a garden - I wasn’t too terribly excited although I wasn’t opposed to the idea; I have memories of weeding in our very very large farm garden - it was very big - there were a lot of weeds; our garden this year is tiny in comparison so I should survive; plus I can pass on the tradition of weed-pulling to my two sons (I’m sure my daughter will want to help too, although she won’t know the difference between weeds and and peas…)
- we bought a Matrix and its fun to drive
- I’m very thankful for our house church friends - I love hanging out with them (and they’ve been praying for our family which has meant a lot to us)
- I’m thankful for my other friends, too (I get to visit one of them next Thursday - yay!)
- I’m glad its the weekend (and its sunny and warm outside)
Posted in Family, Personal, Work || 2 Comments
May 11th, 2008 by Carol
On Friday, my husband and I attended a seminar given by Dr. Ross Greene, the author of the book The Explosive Child. I own the book and have read it a couple of times but hearing the author speak shed new light on the topic. The basic premise of what he was talking about is that children will do well IF THEY CAN. Just as there are kids who lack certain skills in order to read, there are kids who lack certain skills required in social situations that many children naturally develop. These kids might be diagnosed with ADHD or Oppositional-Defiant Disorder or Aspberger’s or a variety of other disorders. The fact still remains that they are lacking certain skills that make it difficult for them to respond appropriately in situations that demand those skills.
In response to this, Dr. Greene has developed the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. This is a way of helping those kids learn the skills they need to better function socially and behaviorally.
Part of Dr. Green’s talk was spent laying out the arguments for and against a Rewards & Punishments system in order to motivate these kids. If a child is lacking a particular social skill, giving them a punishment when they behave badly is not going to teach them the skill they need in order to respond more appropriately the next time.
Besides not being able to teach skills, the Rewards & Punishments system teaches children that “might makes right”. With a big enough external motivator (punishment), kids will be forced to comply. There is no opportunity to dialogue and work together towards a solution.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what this system communicates to our kids. It communicates that it is acceptable to make people do what we want them to; that with enough ‘might’ we can force our will upon others.
There is also no grace in a Rewards & Punishments system. If you do something wrong, you are punished. I have been thinking that the problem with people’s lack of understanding of God’s grace comes from the message the church preaches (which I still think is a part of it), but now I’m seeing that the Rewards & Punishments system accepted by our society in its very nature makes it difficult to understand grace.
Which leads me to my son. He’s been having great difficulty at school lately. He already knows right from wrong but when he gets to the point of frustration where he can’t think anymore all of that knowledge goes out the window. If he’s feeling that things are out of his control, he tries to take back control and sometimes uses force to try to do it (hmm…I wonder what system he learned that from?). And when he calms down after ‘losing it’ he is very hard on himself which is not helping his self-worth. But if we punish him every time he loses it, how can he learn to accept himself? All it’s telling him is that he is a horrible person because he can’t behave appropriately.
I’ve definitely been rethinking things. My husband and I both want our son to be able to learn the skills he lacks and to learn how to love himself. We’re going to be changing some things to help our son. And it looks like this new approach will better align our lives with the gospel of grace. I like the sounds of that.
Having gone to the seminar on Friday, it seems like the lenses of my sight have been re-adjusted and I can see things more clearly now. After two extremely difficult weeks, I have hope again.
Posted in Family, Personal || 2 Comments
May 11th, 2008 by Carol
Life has been pretty stressful the last couple of weeks. And when I’m stressed I’m not really thinking about writing anything.
Being a mother can be really really hard sometimes. It’s discouraging when all you want to do is help your child and it doesn’t seem like what you’re doing is making any difference. I’m very thankful for my church who has prayed for me and my family, and who continue to pray. I appreciate their care and support immensely.
On top of stress in our family life my workplace has been quite stressful lately and I’m still learning to function in the midst of all that.
Needless to say I’ve been feeling very weary and tired lately. But God is giving me hope again in the midst of this wilderness.
Posted in Family, Personal || No Comments
May 4th, 2008 by Carol
What is the Good News?
We are a broken people. We live in a broken world. And despite this, God loves us. He accepts us exactly as we are - as broken people. Even after we have chosen to follow Him, there are many parts of us that continue to be broken - and God loves us anyways. This means we can accept our brokenness and allow Jesus to pour His life into the dark places of our souls. He heals those places and gives us life where there was death.
Posted in Faith || 1 Comment