{"id":325,"date":"2009-05-17T02:24:27","date_gmt":"2009-05-17T02:24:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=325"},"modified":"2009-05-17T02:24:27","modified_gmt":"2009-05-17T02:24:27","slug":"a-psalm-of-carol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=325","title":{"rendered":"A psalm of Carol"},"content":{"rendered":"

My heart is a fortress.\u00a0 <\/span>Within its bowels are kept <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 my darkest thoughts; within its battlements my pain, my agony, <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0my guilt.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Hard as rock, impenetrable.\u00a0 <\/span>No one enters and <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 nothing escapes.\u00a0 <\/span>I stand outside and am numb.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n

A hard heart, believing that nothing will touch me here, <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 safe inside my fortress.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

A deceived heart, feeling all the pain but <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 never looking it in the eye.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And so I pretend. \u00a0<\/span>Everything is ‘fine’.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Love… love given, with rejection and abuse <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 flung back in return.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It is too painful to love!\u00a0 <\/span>Calloused in order to survive.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 I cannot receive nor can I give.\u00a0 <\/span>What a wretched soul am I!\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You, Oh God, have blasted my defenses.\u00a0 <\/span>You have cracked my battlements.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 The pain is creeping up from the depths and now I must face what’s inside.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dark thoughts swirl across my mind.\u00a0 <\/span>There is no hope.\u00a0 <\/span>There is no strength.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 Sadness, deep sadness consumes me.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

This life is too hard.\u00a0 <\/span>I cannot bear it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Must I walk this dark path alone?\u00a0 <\/span>Where despair lurks <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 in the shadows and fear stalks my footsteps.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Where are you God?\u00a0 <\/span>Sorrow and guilt are my companions.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 Alone with my thoughts, I will be destroyed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember…remember.\u00a0 <\/span>The Lord is faithful and true.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 He will not abandon me to the darkness of my soul.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0He leads me into the Light.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 Though I am blinded by it, I will be healed.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

My soul is flooded with light and I <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 shrink from its revealing power.\u00a0 <\/span>Afraid\u2026afraid of being exposed.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I am naked before you, God, and I am afraid.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet I will remember your mercy and love for me.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 Though I am afraid I will trust.\u00a0 <\/span>I will not shrink <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0from the Light.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I will believe your love is greater than <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 my despair.\u00a0 <\/span>You, Oh God, will lead me.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I will bask in the radiance of your love <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 and will radiate your love to others.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I will be <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 ‘song of joy’ <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0once again.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My heart is a fortress.\u00a0 Within its bowels are kept \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 my darkest thoughts; within its battlements my pain, my agony, \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 […] Read More<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=325"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":327,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325\/revisions\/327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}