It’s quiet in the house this afternoon. \u00a0My youngest is sleeping, the boys are quiet in their rooms (my 10 year old is probably taking a nap), my husband is downstairs in the prayer room. \u00a0I’ve been puttering, doing little tasks that I keep putting off but that should get done. \u00a0In an hour, our friends will start arriving for house church.<\/p>\n
I’ve been trying to think about what I should write. \u00a0It’s been so long and I’ve hardly written anything in 2010 (my husband threatened to de-link me if I didn’t post something – that would be part of the reason why I’m writing this post). \u00a0There are a lot of things I could write about. \u00a0The last year (2010) was a hard one, from my occupation standpoint and from our family life (particularly concerning our oldest son).<\/p>\n
Where do I begin?<\/p>\n
I’ll start with my job. \u00a0When I first became the Catering Manager, I was excited. \u00a0There were a ton of possibilities; I had ideas for improving things, and I was able to invest in people and make a difference. \u00a0But that attitude has shifted. \u00a0There has been a revolving door of people entering and leaving our office over the past 3 1\/2 years. \u00a0And the hotel has been very busy. \u00a0Which means I haven’t been able to implement the ideas I’ve wanted to. \u00a0I can only help people grow to a certain extent because then they move on. \u00a0I keep shifting from picking up the slack from an unfilled position to training someone new. \u00a0There’s always more on my plate than I want there to be.<\/p>\n
Maybe this is part and parcel of being a manager. \u00a0I don’t know. \u00a0There’s also all the\u00a0bureaucracy and red tape that you have to deal with as a manager. \u00a0I’m not enjoying this. \u00a0I was so worn out by the time I hit December, I was granted a 3 1\/2 week (much needed) vacation. \u00a0It was very good for me. \u00a0I know I was in rough shape going into my holidays because a few weeks in, my husband said to me one day, “It’s nice to have my wife back.”<\/p>\n
Uck! \u00a0If this is what my occupation is doing to me, I don’t want it! \u00a0I used to rationalize that I didn’t have to put in a ton of overtime at my job. \u00a0Sure, I would have a fair amount of overtime building up in the Fall because that is the busiest time of year, but it wasn’t like that for 3\/4 of the year. \u00a0“Hours” was the measuring stick I used to determine if my job was taking too much out of me or not. \u00a0But this summer I started to look at this differently. \u00a0Sure, I didn’t work a lot of overtime, but what was the effect on me when I wasn’t at work? \u00a0I didn’t have very much energy for my children, my husband. \u00a0Sometimes I was constantly thinking about work: what did I forget to do? \u00a0what do I need to remember to do? \u00a0I was angry and frustrated with all the stupid little (and big) things that were going on at my workplace. \u00a0My job was consuming me.<\/p>\n
I decided I wanted to get out. \u00a0So I started looking for other employment (not in hospitality, mind you – I wanted to get out completely). \u00a0I have built up enough skills that I can translate them over to other lines of work. \u00a0But what do I want to do? \u00a0I started applying for jobs that I thought I could do (not necessarily what I wanted to do because I hadn’t worked those jobs before so how would I know if that is what I wanted to do or not). \u00a0Going into the job search process I had a sense that this whole thing might take some time. \u00a0I certainly didn’t think it would take over 4 months!<\/p>\n
At first, I just wanted to escape. \u00a0Now that I feel much better after my vacation, I can think a little more objectively. \u00a0So I’ve started asking myself what do I WANT to do. \u00a0I haven’t figured it out yet.<\/p>\n
There is something very positive that has come out of this process: I have lowered my expectations of myself at work. \u00a0I used to feel miserable because I wasn’t getting everything done in the time I thought I should do it. \u00a0Going into this Fall, I accepted the fact that I won’t get it all done. \u00a0This has taken a lot of pressure of me and it’s been good for my mental and emotional health.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure what’s in store for me in 2011 with regards to occupation but I’m hoping for a positive change that will be better for me and my family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"