{"id":1866,"date":"2015-10-10T10:28:59","date_gmt":"2015-10-10T16:28:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=1866"},"modified":"2015-11-14T22:05:42","modified_gmt":"2015-11-15T04:05:42","slug":"why-grace-is-a-big-deal-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=1866","title":{"rendered":"Why Grace is a big deal to me"},"content":{"rendered":"

For any of you who have followed my blog for a while, you\u2019ll know that grace is a big deal to me. It\u2019s a very big deal to me. And here\u2019s why: for someone who grew up in an environment underscored by shame, who deep down felt was never good enough no matter how hard I tried\u2026GRACE<\/u><\/em><\/strong> is the lifeline<\/u>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the lifeline to experiencing connection and love. It\u2019s the lifeline to learning to have compassion for myself (when all along I learned to hate myself \u2013 I would say terrible things to myself, things I would never<\/u> say to anyone else). Grace is the lifeline to learning to be vulnerable (when all along is wasn\u2019t \u2018safe\u2019 to be vulnerable \u2013 I learned very well how to \u2018hide\u2019, how to not let people see<\/u> me because that would have been far too risky \u2013 my sense of self-worth was already being hammered\u2026no way I would give anyone the chance to hammer it more).<\/p>\n

Without grace I would be dead inside<\/u>. I need to know, I need to hear, I need to experience over and over and over again that I AM worthy of love and belonging. Because God says so. I have His unmerited favor\u2026that no matter what I do, no matter how broken, He loves and accepts me unconditionally. I have always had His love. I have always belonged to Him. Nothing in all creation can separate me from His love.<\/p>\n

The messages I learned to tell myself are still in my mind, lurking under the surface. When I get struck by the warm wash of shame, they kick into full force, telling me I am<\/u> the mistake, that I am<\/u> stupid, that I am<\/u> worthless. When I am experiencing these strong feelings in the darkness of my soul, I can look up and see the Light and it reminds me that grace<\/em><\/strong> is holding me and it will not let me go. Even though I feel like crap, I can tell myself that God loves and accepts me, that I am enough, that I am worthy of love and belonging. I may not feel<\/u> that at the moment, but leaning into these truths helps lift me out of my hole of shame.<\/p>\n

Because of grace and my growing ability to receive it in the midst of my brokenness, shame does not \u2018knock me out\u2019 for as long as it did before. Before I would be living in a shame storm for weeks, months, years. Now, I might be knocked out for a couple of hours, days, or if it\u2019s really bad, a week at the most.<\/p>\n

So I will keep talking about grace; I don\u2019t think we talk about it nearly enough. I will make it a big deal until the day I die. It is Life to me. Or as Glennon Doyle Melton<\/a> says: \u201cGrace is the only buzz I have left and they will take it from my cold, dead hands.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the video where she says this \u2013 it\u2019s worth watching the whole thing.<\/p>\n