{"id":1876,"date":"2015-10-12T08:20:39","date_gmt":"2015-10-12T14:20:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=1876"},"modified":"2015-11-14T22:06:44","modified_gmt":"2015-11-15T04:06:44","slug":"how-we-protect-ourselves-the-vulnerability-armor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/songofjoy.ca\/?p=1876","title":{"rendered":"How we protect ourselves – the Vulnerability Armor"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m taking the information I list in this post from Brene Brown\u2019s Daring Greatly<\/em> and I\u2019ll list source information at the bottom of this post.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a great quote from the start of her chapter on the Vulnerability Armory:<\/p>\n

\u201cAs children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection \u2013 to be the person whom we long to be \u2013 we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.\u201d (p.112)<\/p>\n

The armor Brene Brown talks about acts as a shield against vulnerability. The major shields (used by just about everyone at some point) are:<\/p>\n

Foreboding joy<\/h4>\n

This is the experience of feeling the intense emotion of joy and as soon as we feel that, our thoughts immediately go to catastrophe. Here\u2019s an example: my life was looking pretty good \u2013 I had a decent job, good friends, my children were healthy\u2026and in that moment my thoughts went to \u201csomething bad is going to happen, I\u2019ve got it too good.\u201d I\u2019m very good a rehearsing tragedy and less good at accepting (and enjoying) the moments of joy when they come to me.<\/p>\n

Perfectionism<\/h4>\n

If I can make myself \u2018perfect\u2019, then I\u2019ll feel accepted, and I can avoid the feelings of shame, judgement, and blame. There are a few problems with this \u2013 I can\u2019t attain perfection, it sets me up to feel more shame because I\u2019m never \u2018good enough\u2019, and it becomes a vicious cycle of striving and self-loathing. This was (and is to a lesser extent) my modus operandi.<\/p>\n

Numbing<\/h4>\n

Numbing can come in the form of addictions and eating disorders. But\u2026it also comes in making ourselves super busy, eating chocolate when we feel crappy, playing video games\/watching TV\/surfing the internet for hours, having that glass of wine to \u2018take the edge off\u2019 our day. The research shows the main drivers for numbing are shame, anxiety, and disconnection. These are very uncomfortable feelings and when we don\u2019t have strategies for sitting in them, we numb the emotion (which means we actually numb all<\/em><\/strong> emotions \u2013 we can\u2019t \u2018selectively\u2019 numb).<\/p>\n

Some less common shields are:<\/p>\n