I just finished watching ‘Cast Away’ (with Tom Hanks) for the first time. A great movie. The hardest part for me to watch was the part at the end – when Tom Hanks’ character, Chuck Noland, comes back to Memphis to see the woman (played by Helen Hunt) he had pledged to marry over 4 years earlier. He finds out that in the meantime she has married, has a daughter, has a different life. What broke my heart was that this woman still loved Chuck, but she had to let him go…again, and return to her life.
This was a little too surreal for me. I could identify too closely with Helen Hunt’s character. It brought out feelings and emotions I didn’t know were there. Feelings that somehow I have betrayed my husband, that I’ve abandoned him. I loved him. And when we were married, I could never understand how people could remarry after their spouse died; I saw it as a betrayal. But I’m a different person now. When my husband passed away, that ‘noble’ thought of staying loyal to him by never pursuing remarriage went right out the window. If my husband came back today, would I still love him? Of course I would. But I love another man now. How can a woman love two men? How can I love one without betraying the other?
I realize this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but that’s grieving for you. Even though I know, logically speaking, I have not abandoned or betrayed my husband, there must be something deep down inside that believes that, or I wouldn’t have had the reaction I did when watching this movie. Maybe there’s a part I need to ‘let go’ so I can carry on with my life.