There’s been a struggle going on inside me for a while. Yesterday, I think I started understanding why. It has to do with my sense of belonging. I believe ever person is born with a desire to be accepted, to belong, to have worth. As a friend of mine was saying in church yesterday, we try to fill that ‘need’ with all sorts of things (things that are not God filling the need).
I remember in high school I had a great desire to ‘belong’, in particular to a group of church friends.  They had all grown up going to the same church. I hadn’t.  They came from a different family background than mine. Even though I hung out with them, I never felt as if I truly belonged.
The church I attend on Sunday mornings was the first church where I really felt like I belonged. I was there from the beginnings. I felt I had something meaningful to contribute to this group. I felt ‘worth something’. As good as that may be, I realized yesterday that my sense of belonging did not come from God. It came from being part of a group of people with a common vision.
Over the past months, my ‘vision’ has been shifting. I don’t see things the same as I did before. That ‘shift’ has left me with a very uncomfortable feeling. I don’t feel so much as if I ‘belong’ anymore and because of that, my self-worth has been taking a beating. Why? Because I have yet to find my sense of belonging and worth in God.
It’s actually a comforting thought. Finally, I’m beginning to understand why I’ve been struggling so much. And I know things will be much better once I find my sense of belonging and self-worth in God. Because then it will be solid and I won’t be ‘tossed back and forth by the waves’ in this area of my life. God is good. And He is faithful. I know He will accomplish what He has set out to do in my life.
Do you ever get the feel, though, that when you finally do get your footing again you may just be the only one standing there?
Thanks for speaking this out, Carol.
I’m am blessed to hear that God used my testimony….
What a revelation. I hear what you mean by it being a comforting thought becuase you know God desires healing and right heart attitudes.
Love you and bless you on your journey for right identity. Lord knows we all need to really be grounded in that. It convicts me what you said….I wonder if God took my church family away (like I had to move or something like that) how I would handle that. These are very good thoughts.
Thank you for being so honest and transparent.
I too struggle with finding my sense of worth in others, and in other things. We all do. But God cares so much about our hearts that He won’t allow us to walk that way for long. I love that He loves us so much to come and bring us back to Him, when He could easily just leave us and watch us wander away. I’ve wondered what I would do if God ever asked my hubby and I to leave and go elsewhere, I’d really like to think I would follow no questions asked, but I think we all know otherwise.
It’s nice to see God pulling you through, and you submitting to His heart for you, at the end of this trial you will be that much closer to Him, and only Him.