Thanks…today?

As promised I’ve been trying to write one post a week about something in which I am thankful.  Today is a tuffy.  Last night was particularly rough with my oldest son and it didn’t leave me feeling very good (or thankful).  Today was busy with various activities and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and think about thankfulness…until right now.

I could list a number of quick easy things that I am thankful for: heat, sight, colors, cameras, friends, a wonderful loving husband, etc.  But my goal was for a little more depth in my blog posts.

Yesterday was the 9 year anniversary of my first husband, Mike Fisher’s, death.  A lot has changed in 9 years.  I have changed a lot in 9 years; the kids have changed a lot in 9 years.  I miss Mike.  I’d like him to see what kind of person I’ve become.  I think he would have a lot of fun with Matthew (his youngest son) and I think Matthew would really like his dad.  I’m not sure how he would react to David (his oldest son).  He might be saddened by how difficult life has been for David.  But then again he might have some words of insight, acceptance, love (coming from the other side of the grave) to offer for David.  I’m sure he would tell him that he loves him very much.

The last 9 years have been an amazing journey and I am a better person for it.  I have a deeper faith in God.  I’ve learned so much more about grace and bit by bit I am giving myself permission to accept God’s grace (versus my own perfectionism).

So…yep… that’s what I’m thankful for today: the journey.  I used to squirm whenever I heard talk about the importance of “the journey” more than the destination.  I just wanted to get where I needed to get to…NOW!  I didn’t want to have to suffer through “the journey”.  The journey was not always pleasant and I wanted to skip past the unpleasantness and arrive.  But now I see that it is in “the journey” that growth, maturity, transformation happens.  It is by walking those valleys of unpleasantness that my relationship with God deepens.  My faith is strengthened and I am tossed less and less by the wind and the waves of my circumstances.

My journey has not been easy but the rewards have outweighed the adversity.  And so I am thankful.  Thankful that God saw fit to take me on this journey so I could experience His love and grace in amazing ways.