Today I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to put my baby girl on formula. My milk supply has been diminishing for a couple of months now. First Lynae would feed for 20 minutes each time, then it was down to 15 and then 10, and then less than 10. She would be fussy once she finished eating so I knew she wasn’t getting full. I’ve tried herbal remedies, researching the issue, talking to my doctor, but in the end nothing has been able to stop the inevitable.
This has been really really hard for me to take. There is something inside of me saying I should be able to breastfeed for as long as I want – that’s the way God created it. So why can’t I do it? I’m looking at the situation as a win or lose scenario and I hate to lose. I’m stubborn and I hate to give up. Right now I am a little girl stamping my feet and yelling, “I want it my way!!!” This has been hard because I’ve always wanted to be able to feed my babies up to a year and I’ve always had troubles with my milk supply. I thought this time I would be able to ‘beat it’. With my oldest I had to quit at 5 months – I blamed that on the fact that he was given a bottle very early on so I assumed he got to liking the bottle more than me. With my youngest son I had to quit at 7 months after I went back to work – with not being able to feed him during the day even with pumping at work, my milk supply simply could not keep up. But with this baby – she won’t even really take a bottle, I’m not at work – and I’m still drying up. My husband says I should take this as an encouragement. It means that this is the way my body is and no matter what I would have done with my first two boys the results would have been the same.
But it doesn’t make it any easier. Even though I look with a degree of disdain at the ‘nipple nazis’ (breastfeeding consultants), what they say still has made its way into my heart. I feel like less of a mother because I can’t continue breastfeeding. I’m envious of other mothers who have an ample milk supply and have the freedom to choose how long they will nurse. I want that same freedom to choose. It isn’t fair!
Carol, I can totally empathize. I’m getting to that point myself with my supply. Did your doctor suggest taking Domperidone? I’ve been taking that for a little while now, and it’s helping. Every now and then I can’t keep up, and Jerry has to give her a bottle of formula — and then I feel soooo guilty, even though it’s stupid for me to feel this way, since my little one isn’t so .. little! She’s growing and thriving, and it’s not the end of the world, but it definitely feels that way sometimes.
Anyway, I hope things get better. Is Lynae eating solids yet? At the rate Emma is growing, my doctor said she could be eating cereal before 6months!
Holly has felt this way in the past…..until she realized that her husband could then get up at 3:00 AM to help feed the baby, then she was more relieved 🙂 take heart.
Awe. I’m sorry. I know how you feel… I had to stop with Sammy at about 3 months. We got thrush so bad I was in excruciating pain (worse than labor) and I just couldn’t do it. It broke my heart. It made me feel guilty. It still bugs me a little that I missed out on that time with him. You’re right. It’s not fair.
I understand how you feel (to a point, of course, as I am not you 🙂 !) …just focus on making feedings a bonding time, regardless of how she is getting nourishment. You can still cuddle and kiss her, sing, etc, even with a bottle. Now you can share that part of it with Leighton too.