I’d rather be broken

Everyone has issues – issues with trust, issues with fear, issues with being vulnerable, the list goes on. I have issues. I have pride. I want to be ‘right’. I don’t like to lose. Some people seem to stay ‘stuck’ in their issues and are never able to move past them. I’m talking about believers in Christ, not unbelievers. What keeps people ‘stuck’ where they are? Why do I seem to stay ‘stuck’? I get so frustrated when this happens. I’d rather be able to just deal with something and then move on (did I mention I have issues with being patient?). It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Why don’t I see more of that?

I think one of the factors involved is how people handle their issues. Do I muster up all my defenses or do I allow myself to be broken? Being broken isn’t fun. I’ve been there. Being broken means I might have to humble myself to other people, maybe people I’m not even sure care about me. I might have to admit that I’m wrong or at least honestly see the other side of the story. My natural tendancy is to fight rather than be humbled. But I know that true life, the abundant life that Jesus talked about, only comes through brokenness. Because out of brokenness comes freedom. I’ve been feeling a growing frustration lately because I desire to be used by God to touch people’s lives, and yet I don’t feel like that’s happening at all. I wonder tonight whether it’s because I’m not broken; I’m too proud. My heart cries out to be in a place where my only source is God my Savior. Take me there, God. When it comes down to it, I’d rather be broken.