The Zulu greeting, “Sawubona” means “I see you” and the response “Ngikhona” means “I am here”.
Inherent in the Zulu greeting and in the response, is the sense that until you saw me, I didn’t exist. By recognizing me, you brought me into existence.
I watched a TED talk today of Amanda Palmer. She was a street performer who used to dress up as a bride statue. Whenever someone would give some money she would look them very intently and intensely in the eyes and offer them a flower. Amanda spoke about people who seemed deeply lonely. In her words, “And my eyes would say, ‘Thank you. I see you.’ And their eyes would say, ‘Nobody ever sees me. Thank you.'”
I think about an interaction Brene Brown had with a drive-thru cashier. In Brene’s words,
“I drove through the Chick-fil-A drive-through to get a Diet Dr. Pepper. Right as I pulled up to the window, my cell phone rang. I wasn’t quite sure, but I thought it might be Charlie’s school calling, so I answered it. It wasn’t the school — it was someone calling to confirm my hair appointment. I got off the phone as quickly as I could.
In the short time it took me to say, “Yes, I’ll be at my appointment,” the woman in the window and I had finished our soda-for-money transaction. I apologized to her the second I got off of the phone. I said, “I’m so sorry. The phone rang right when I was pulling up and I thought it was my son’s school.”
I must have surprised her because she got huge tears in her eyes and said, “Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how humiliating it is sometimes. They don’t even see us.” ”
As a North American society, we are losing the ability to “see” each other.
Hey Carol-I work in the library @ Bethany…I learned the truth of your post back when I met my husband over 30 years ago-I was impressed by the fact that he took the time to make eye contact with whoever was serving him & to say “thank-you”. It visibly impacted people who were used to being faceless….I have tried to do the same ever since, not only to those who serve me but to those I meet. Often just acknowledging someone’s existence with a smile & nod means more than we know…your post reminded me of this-thank-you! MEd
Totally agree. What a reminder to actually see people. Do you think it is getting worst, in some ways, because of virtual technologies? I’ve been in a presence of others who are so into their texts that they forget that I am sitting two feet in front of them trying to engage in a visit.
I think we lose a piece of our own humanity when we don’t acknowledge the humanity/existence of others. Rain, I definitely think it is getting worse. Everywhere I look people are on their smartphones with their heads down. If you want to read an interesting book along these lines check out “The Machine Stops” by E.M. Forster (here’s a link to the free pdf: http://itp.nyu.edu/~mp51/commlab/emforster.pdf). Thanks for sharing!