I’ve been discovering some things about myself lately. How much I protect myself from others, and put up walls to keep others out (and keep ‘me’ in). I’m realizing how I have not allowed myself to get to know the true me (if that makes any sense). It’s like I’ve lived my life perceiving what others ‘expect’ of me and trying to live up to those expectations. So in the process, I became a chameleon. The only problem is I totally lost touch with who I really am. All the while, I was living life, ‘thinking’ I knew who I was, when what I ‘saw’ was a projection of my perceived expectations of others.
God’s a pretty amazing guy. I really had no idea that all this was a part of me and that I was living like a chameleon. And He is very gently and patiently stripping down my defenses to reveal the true me. It feels like God’s unravelling me little bit by little bit. It’s a very painful process at times, but the end result is going to be greater freedom in my life and I’ll truly be able to know ‘me’ and be ‘me’ around other people. I’m already beginning to experience some of this and as I’ve been getting to know myself (boy, this sounds weird), I’m finding I really like who I am. Go figure!