Reflections on “no responsibilities”

Last week was the week of no responsibilities for me.  Meaning there were no children around. They spent the week at Grandma’s in another province.

I really enjoy these times.  I can do what I want to do, when I want to do it, without feeling obligated to anyone – not even my husband.  I think everyone should experience this at least once a year, even if it is only for a few days.

This time is precious to me, but in the past I have actually stressed about using the time ‘wisely’.  What if I don’t accomplish what needs to be accomplished (for my emotional, mental, and spiritual health) in the time given to me?  What if I squander it?  What if it was a waste?  These are thoughts that would go through my mind.  It was particularly bad if I only had a day or two without the kids.  As if it was demanded that I achieve some new level of spiritual growth, and if I didn’t I would have squandered that precious gift of time, never to get it back.

This time around I didn’t experience that kind of stress, although I felt a little anxious the last day before picking up the kids.  I think it helped that I had an entire week (7 full days) with no kids.  It also helped that I’ve started to let go of more of the expectations I put on myself and am learning to accept myself more…as I am.

I come away from this week feeling relaxed and refreshed.  I went for walks, took naps, slept in, read a book cover to cover in three days, wrote in my journal, and listened to a few books of the Bible.  My husband would ask me, “Have any plans for the day?”  And I’d answer, “No, I’ll just do whatever I feel like doing.”  No plans, no obligations, full freedom to ‘go with the flow’.  It was wonderful!

I think that it’s healthy and good – for one’s personal well being – to have a space where the cares and worries of our day-to-day lives are put on the shelf for a time and we are free to experience ourselves as simply ‘being’.  Our identity not defined by our accomplishments or usefulness.  I find myself, particularly as a mother and career woman, basing my sense of worth on my ability to contribute – in my home and work environments especially.  I recognize this isn’t a healthy place to be, and am thankful for the opportunity to experience and accept myself for who I AM, not so much on the purpose I serve.  It’s a long way to go for me in this area, but these times help the process, despite the fact that I was not planning on ‘accomplishing’ anything during my week of ‘no responsibilities’ (or perhaps…because of that fact).