The Journey

I’ve been thinking about “the journey” lately. Back in the day when I was fresh out of high school and being introduced to different aspects of Christianity, people would talk about “the journey” – that the way God worked within us was much like a journey. I hated to hear that. I just wanted to get to the end…now! I wanted to be ‘fixed’, forget about this ‘journey’, this ‘process’ stuff. I thought the goal was to be ‘fixed’, to be perfected, so why not just get there already. I’ve come to view “the journey” from a different perspective. I’ve come to embrace it and see it for the beautiful thing that it is.

In order to better describe how I now see “the journey” I’ll use an example from my life. This past week I emailed a couple of friends to connect with them. I’d put this off, by a couple of weeks for some, by a couple of years for one. I literally had to ‘force’ myself to do this. I was experiencing fear and anxiety just thinking about doing it. This made me think about the fact that I don’t have any close friends that I hang out with (other than my husband and our mutual couple friends). I asked myself “Why is this? Why is it hard for me to make and stay connected with friends?” I believe God was bringing these things to mind. I thought about doors that have opened to me in the past – doors to connect with friends from the past or to make new ones, opportunities to be an understanding friend to those mourning over spouses who have suddenly passed away. I have largely ignored these open doors, avoiding making these connections. When I was working full time I used work as the excuse – I was too busy, too tired, too drained to make the effort. And when I think back to that I can completely understand why I didn’t make these connections – they created stress for me and I was already stressed enough as it was, I wasn’t going to willingly add additional stress to the mix. As I was thinking about these opportunities this past week I felt genuinely sad that I had not taken advantage of these open doors. And this is where “the journey” has changed for me.

In the past at this point I would have experienced a lot of guilty feelings and would have determined to “do better”. I would thank God for pointing this area of weakness out in my life and I would have tried very hard to ‘fix’ this problem. I would have made a schedule for myself to call so-and-so once a month and to email another friend on a regular basis. This effort would have lasted maybe a couple of weeks, a couple of months if I was lucky. But it wouldn’t have ended in any lasting change. For me “the journey” was about God pointing out my weakness and me following up on that by determining to change my actions…with God’s help.

I don’t see “the journey” that way at all anymore. This time around when God was bringing my “friendship weakness” to mind, I felt sad and experienced regret and I told God I was very sorry for missing these opportunities. I knew God’s grace is abundant to me and even though I missed those opportunities God did not judge me – I was forgiven and loved and accepted. I did not have to wallow in guilt and self-condemnation. Nor was God asking me to change my ‘behaviour’ in this area. I’ve come to realize that unless God changes what I BELIEVE in an area of my life, my actions will never change. So instead of focusing on “doing better” I have been asking God: “what do I BELIEVE in this area that is a lie?” Once I stop believing the lie and come to know the truth, a change of action will naturally flow out of that.

The New Testament talks a lot about believing and truth. Jesus went so far as to say that the “work” of God is to believe: “Jesus answered and said to them, ‘This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.'” (John 6:29 NASB). And again in John, Jesus says “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32 NASB). I have become fully convinced that the work of God in our lives is much more about revealing lies and learning to believe God (the Truth) than about focusing on changing our actions. “The journey” then becomes a partnership, a working together with God – not to perfect “doing better”, but to deepen our knowledge and understanding of the living God. To “experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then (we) will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” (Ephesians 3:19 NLT). God’s goal for me is not to get from Point A to Point B. Rather, He walks along with me in this journey and takes every opportunity to gently guide me into a deeper understanding of who He is (which is love). The result is wholeness and a richer life with God.

I don’t know yet what exactly “the lie” is that I believe concerning keeping friends in my life – I have a feeling it has to do with messages communicated to me when I was a young girl – but I am confident that God will reveal it to me and that I don’t have to strive to figure it out. I can rest in God’s love, knowing He will set me free from my fears. I will “let God transform (me) into a new person by changing the way (I) think.” (Romans 12:1 NLT).

May God’s love and grace and peace be with you as you walk with Him on your journey.