Torn apart

It is so hard when the dreams I cling to are exposed. I’d like to think I’ve got everything submitted to God (all the important stuff anyway), but I don’t. I have imagined things would happen in a certain way and when faced with the reality that they may or may not happen, I feel torn apart inside. I so badly want to see those dreams come true. Surrendering my wants and desires to God IS death! It hurts; it tears me up inside. I don’t want to let go of those dreams. I don’t want to come to grips with the fact that I might not get what I want. I don’t want to trust God that even though my dreams might not happen the way I planned them, He still has good things planned for me and that everything will be OK. Part of me doesn’t want to believe that because I still want what I want. It is so hard…letting go.