It has always been a struggle to be a positive person in my work environment. There was a time when I was passionate for God to use me in my workplace. My heart was that He would bring life and healing to so many broken lives. Over the years that has changed. For the most part, I think I live in ‘survival’ mode: I do my work to the best of my abilities, but I don’t anticipate anything to change. I find myself picking up the same pessimistic attitudes. It feels like I’m being sucked into a vortex of pessimissm and it seeps out into how I do my job. And I hate myself for it.
Today, a light shone. Someone from my church was attending a luncheon at my hotel. I was at the luncheon as well and we sat at the same table. She didn’t say anything profound, but there was joy and peace in her spirit. I think I kind of soaked it up. After the luncheon was finished and I went back to work at my office, I felt hope and and a portion of joy for a while. There was ‘life’ in my spirit. I haven’t felt like that at my work for a while. And it really made me stop and take notice. What has happened to me? I have the Spirit of God living in me, and yet when I walk into my workplace, it’s like darkness is seeping into my soul rather than the Light shining out from it.
I want to live in victory and life and hope and joy in my workplace. I want what I once had. I want God to use me (as someone said, the reason we have jobs is so that the people in our workplaces can hear the Good News about Jesus). It’s all about the kingdom of God, here on earth. But I’ve lost it. Why? And how do I get it back?