Ramblings of an angry woman

The thing about anger is…it takes a lot of energy to sustain it.  After I’m finished with being angry and frustrated, I feel really tired.  It feels like there’s a hole left behind after the anger is gone.  An emptiness.  Feelings of anger are replaced with feelings of defeat.  Did all the being angry really accomplish anything?  Why do I get angry?  Is it a learned behavior?  Is it a survival tactic?

Ok, I’m totally rambling here.  What brought these thoughts on?  Something happened today that made me really angry.  I generally get frustrated and at times really angry if I perceive that someone is not listening to me.  This most often happens with my kids but it can happen with other people, too.  This is why I got angry today, but it was also the result of a bunch of little frustrations all building up to the ‘last straw’.

I’m sitting here thinking about how I felt at the time and also at how I carried that anger with me for a while afterwards.  I do believe I harbour resentment in my heart.  Sometimes I can be angry about something, calmed down for a couple of hours or a day and then I start telling someone about it and all of a sudden, I’m just as angry as when it first happened.  I’m wondering why I’m like this.

Some people cry almost every day.  I hardly ever cry.  But I get frustrated and angry.  Is this just another way of dealing with stress?

What is anger anyways?  It’s an emotion.  Anger, just like any emotion, is neutral.  It’s what we do with  our anger that makes it good or bad.  What do I do with my anger?  Complain about the circumstance or people that were the source of my anger; harbour resentment.  Ultimately, does this bring any satisfaction?  Initially, perhaps, but not in the long run.  What would be a better thing to do with my anger?  I don’t know.  This is the way I’ve handled my anger for a long time.  Maybe I need to find different, better outlets for my anger, but I don’t know what they would be.  Maybe it would just be doing things to relax, rather than fueling the flames by complaining to people.  I don’t know the answers but recognize that I could use some change in this area of my life.

As I’m writing this post, I’m also seeing a lot of my oldest son in this, although in his case, its more of an extreme.  He, too, gets angry about things.  I think most of the time he gets angry its because of a perceived injustice or feeling out of control in relation to his environment.  He also harbours resentment in his heart and can get angry about an incident that happened a long time ago.  We do have our similarities, but I never really saw it in the area of anger.

Hmmm…. food for thought.

3 Responses

  1. I’m praying for you Carol.

    March 5, 2008 at 9:06 am

  2. Nin

    I could’ve written this post.
    I relate to it all.

    March 6, 2008 at 5:00 pm

  3. I could have written it too. and then I was thinking, I cry almost everyday as well! I’m really a mess!!! LOL

    But one thought came to me, and I don’t think you are looking for advice or opinions in this matter. I hear you just kinda getting your thoughts out. So take this for what it’s worth, but I’ve found something that’s helped me and my anger.

    I run. I run the crap out of myself! It’s an incredible outlet, to regroup your thoughts, take a time out, and burn off that access steam.

    That’s what I thought of reading this post.
    Take care girlie.

    March 7, 2008 at 8:35 am