Ramblings

It’s been a few days since I posted anything, so I thought I might just ramble for a while. I hate being frustrated. I hate trying and seeming to get nowhere. I’m tired of trying to do ‘all the right things’. I’m tired of trying to figure out my place in this world. I’m tired of trying to be what I’m supposed to be. I WANT TO BE ME! But I’ve got so many darn self-protection mechanisms in place (old habits die hard) that it seems virtually impossible to just relax and be ME. And it seems that I only truly let ‘ME’ out for all to see when I’m ‘good and mad’. I hate being too hard on myself. I hate the fact that I can’t seem to stop being too hard on myself. I want to love me and find myself hating me the more I see of myself. Why does God love me anyway?!?! I feel all messed up, mixed up, frustrated, and worn out. I’m sick of it.