I cleaned out my storage room today. I am a pack-rat by nature and today I set out to get rid of a lot of stuff. I ran across several things from the days when I was in Bible school and when I was dating Mike, even stuff when we got married. Eventually all those memories took their toll on me and I just had to stop and cry. Grieving very often takes me by surprise; I wasn’t even thinking of how sorting through all that stuff was going to affect me and then I was wondering why I was feeling sad and out-of-sorts, and then I realized I just needed to stop, accept what I was feeling and grieve.
Part of me feels like I’m letting go of my former life (even though I haven’t lived that life in a long time) as I’ve been sorting – deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. It’s really only symbolic but it seems to hold meaning. I don’t understand it all. But I’m glad I’m doing it now and not right before my wedding. I want to be able to look to the past with fond memories, but not to cling to it. I want to embrace all that God has for me today. And in order to do that, I must let go.
That is so true, on Sunday during the memorial service I couldn’t help but think upon the two boy’s I lost and I was overwhelmed by sadness, wishing they were here with me. I am glad that you are doing this though it is a vital part to your healing process.
Love ya sis
It is hard, isn’t it? I’ve been married for 15 years and a sold-out Christian for 10. Before, my husband and I (and our first child) followed the Grateful Dead with all the accoutrements.
I occasionally run across them. The concert tapes (they allowed you to tape their concerts) I had no problem giving to the thrift store for some kid to have a gleeful find. My husband about killed me. My daughter’s tie-dye baby shirts, though…. I don’t know.
My daddy died 11 years ago and I still can’t bear to part with his stuff. I know what you mean about packrat.
God bless you, sister.
Anne
I understand how it is to have to let go of former life. I encourage you in what you’re doing. It would be easy to hold onto eveything, but you’re doing the right thing in letting it go. I struggle with holding tight onto my memories of the past. God is continuously making things new, which is why He allows even the good memories to fade……….
Bless you, many great new things are coming!
-Nin