They did this experiment at the University of Guelph. What they found was that “These conversations weren’t just connecting people—they were changing people. What began as a pair of apprehensive strangers awkwardly lowering themselves into a ball pit in the middle of campus transformed into dozens of students forming conversation circles in and around the overflowing ball pit all afternoon, rich with fervent hand gestures, engaged body language, and vibrant facial expressions.” One of the conclusions they made was “It is only when we view our fellow students through a lens of understanding, regardless of our religious traditions, cultural heritage, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and beliefs, that we can truly see one another. When we can truly see one another, we seem to like what we see.”
I see the Ball Pit experiment as an intentional way of connecting people in meaningful ways. These people weren’t engaging in small talk, but rather in “smart talk” – speaking about things and in ways that foster connection.
It’s also about “being seen”. In her blog post this week, “Cool Ashes Can’t Burn Us”, Glennon Doyle Melton spoke to this very thing: “what strikes me is how desperately we all need to know that we are seen and heard. We don’t need our lives to be different, or easier, we just need someone to see the pain. To know what we’ve faced and overcome. To say: Yes. I see this. This is real. We don’t need a magician to take it all away – we just need a witness.” “We see ourselves in [each other]. And that means that we are not alone. We might hurt, but we are not alone.”
To me, this is one of the most awesome things about being a part of the body of Christ: we are not alone. Bearing witness is one of the most powerful things we can do for another person. Oh, that we would learn better how to “see” each other (and allow ourselves to be “seen”).
The day I posted that I was conceding defeat and putting my baby girl on formula, I spoke to three different women who all told me they had had to stop breastfeeding before they wanted to for at least one of their children. That got me thinking. I’m not the only person who has had problems with their breastmilk supply. I went onto the internet looking for information that would tell me this is a common problem (or a problem for at least a certain percentage of mothers). I found the term “insufficient milk syndrome”, meaning the inability to produce enough breastmilk. Apparently, this only applies to 5% of mothers and the majority of the articles I read spent their time trying to argue that this ‘syndrome’ does not exist, it is only perceived.
However, I found these on BabyCenter.com: ‘I feel guilty about quitting breastfeeding‘ and ‘I feel like a failure for not breastfeeding‘. There are 1201 reader comments on the first one and 360 comments on the second one to these readers’ statements. Many readers commented that they had had to quit breastfeeding before they wanted to. If all these women are having the same issues, wouldn’t you think this is a real problem?
I asked the health nurse (at my daughter’s last immunization) if she finds that there are a number of women who have problems with their milk supply. Her response was, “No, not really.” I asked my doctor (who has been practicing family medicine for over 30 years) if she finds this phenomenon and she answered an emphatic, “Yes!”. There are a lot of women out there with problems with their milk supply. And for various reasons, too. So why isn’t anyone talking about this? Why are mothers being left feeling guilty over their inability to adequately feed their babies?
The breastfeeding community says:
- any mother can breastfeed; if she encounters problems, she can breastfeed if she just tries hard enough (link)
- mothers only ‘think’ they have a low milk supply (link)
- the formula companies are to blame for the perception of ‘insufficient milk syndrome’: “formula sales have tripled over the past ten years and the industry is now bigger then ever, generating an astounding $22 million every day in revenues. Suddenly a new disease called Insufficient Milk Syndrome has been diagnosed as women increasingly come to believe that they aren’t capable of producing adequate milk for their baby.” (link)
- if a mother actually does have insufficient milk, it is because she didn’t feed the baby often enough or because of her breastfeeding technique (link)
While many of these things are true, they do not paint the complete picture. And because of that, they communicate that breastfeeding is a choice for every mother and the reason they can’t breastfeed would be the mother’s fault.
Take my story, for instance. I had problems with milk supply for my first two boys, so I was bound and determined that this would not be the case for my daughter. However, she was almost 10 pounds when she was born (meaning she would need more milk right off the bat). At first, I was trying to feed her every 3 hours minimum (like the lactation consultants and health nurses were telling me) and I was constantly waking her up, trying to feed a groggy, tired baby that didn’t want to eat for very long but just go back to sleep. My doctor told me feed her every 4 hours instead and that greatly improved things. She was awake enough to feed for longer and she had good growth in the first couple of months. I would try to feed her when she indicated she was hungry, but usually I was feeding her before she showed outward signs of hunger (throw the theory ‘if you just let your baby feed as often as she wants, you’ll have lots of milk’ out the window). Beginning in her third month, when my baby would feed, she would feed for shorter periods of time. I changed the routine to feeding her every 3 hours to try to bring my milk supply up. It didn’t really work. My doctor told me that due to her size, I should start feeding her solid foods at 4 months (something I had also done for my other two boys and which was the accepted practice at the time). The first time I gave her rice cereal, she literally inhaled it. It seemed as if I’d been starving her the way she acted. I knew then that I definitely was not producing enough milk to completely satisfy her. I gave her the breast before giving her solid food to try to keep my milk production up. I pumped. I took fenugreek and blessed thistle for a time. These things helped, but not enough to fill her up. Over the next two months, she kept feeding for less and less time when I fed her until I got to the point where I put her on formula. To prove that my ‘insufficient milk’ was not ‘just in my head’, my daughter only gained 4 ounces from month 5 to month 6, so I certainly wasn’t producing enough.
There are many women who have been wholeheartedly committed to breastfeeding and have tried everything they could think of to maintain their milk supply and it still didn’t work. Yet they are told that its their fault – they were coerced by the formula companies, its all in their heads, they didn’t try hard enough, etc.
When is this going to stop? Mothers have enough to deal with concerning post-partum depression, sleepless nights, lifestyle change, etc. than to have to face the guilt and condemnation that comes with not being able to breastfeed.
There is evidence that shows that “insufficient milk syndrome” does not appear to have been an issue in previous centuries and that it seems to be much more apparent in Western society. (link) However, I would not agree with the blanket statement that this is simply a perceived phenomenon or that it is always the mother’s fault. Perhaps there are other factors that have not been considered that might be contributing to this problem in Western society. Research should be devoted to considering these factors. Just like cancer researchers take a look at many different variables in certain areas where specific forms of cancer seem to be more apparent, maybe breastfeeding researchers should do the same with “insufficient milk syndrome”.
I wish the breastfeeding community would address this issue honestly instead of devoting all their energy to trying to prove it does not exist. It does exist! And mothers are suffering as a result of their breastfeeding extremism. Why not admit that the problem exists and then look for ways to help mothers continue breastfeeding or if they can’t, assure them that sometimes this happens and that it is NOT THEIR FAULT!
(feel free to leave a comment: I would love to hear of your breastfeeding experience)
No school today.Â But I’m not letting that deter me.Â We’re having ‘school with mom’ instead.Â When I told the kids this, my oldest was dismayed, but my youngest thought it would be fun.Â Now that we’ve be at it this morning, my youngest doesn’t think its so much fun anymore (but hopefully it will get better for him).Â I’m having fun, though.Â I love teaching.
Its been a long time since the schools have had to close.Â In fact, its the first time the schools haveÂ closed for the day inÂ over 20 years (see article here).
This is the worstÂ blizzardÂ to hit Saskatoon since 1955 (see article here).Â I was talking to my dad last night and asking him when was the last time he saw a blizzard like this.Â He said January 2-3, 1973, which happens to beÂ when I was born (January 3).Â Yes, I was born during a blizzard.Â (I wonder if that means anything. 🙂 ).Â There were a few thoughts running through my mind yesterday, one of them being “I’m sure glad I’m not at work andÂ having to plow through snow and traffic toÂ pickÂ my kids up from school.”
But there was no way for me to pick up my kids when the schools closed early.Â Thank goodness its only 5 1/2 blocks away.Â They had to walk home in -36 windchill, but they made it with no frozen ears, hands or toes, just rosy cheeks.Â They were real troopers, but my youngest thought the winds were going to blow him away.Â JHe said, “Mom, this is a day that could kill me!”Â I’m glad we don’t have to leave the house today.
This will be a blizzard to remember for a long time.Â I am very thankful for a warm house where I can sit with my hot cup of tea and stare out the window at the -40 world outside.
Here’s a recent article about our MP (for Saskatoon-Wanuskewin): “Speeding past police cars cost MP“.Â I am embarrassed that this person is my representative in parliment.Â I don’t understand why he couldn’t just admit that he was in the wrong, suck it up and pay the fine!Â Trying to lay blame on anything but himself reminds me of my 10 year old son who likes to blame his brother (orÂ anyone else) for his mess.
I’m in the midst of reading a very interesting article about the charismatic movement and reactions to it. I always enjoy history and it’s been very enlightening to read where some of the concepts and terms I’ve heard used in church circles actually originated from. I’m realizing there are a lot of things I’ve heard that I assumed were the common interpretations for some biblical concepts or passages, when in reality they might not have been.